I buried my best friend two weeks ago. He was 41. Even though I knew he was sick, there is absolutely nothing that prepares you for that call. It stops you dead in your tracks and all of the sudden you are left with a hundred questions that should have been asked, a thousand words that should have been said…
I’ve never lost a really close friend, but it’s turned my world upside down. I consider myself a thoughtful, engaged person, but the last time I saw him I had no idea it would be the last. I spoke with a Medium afterwards and she said that he knew, but he didn’t want to burden me with that sadness. A true friend until then end.
Even so, it left me feeling regretful. Why couldn’t I have sensed that in him? Why didn’t I let him know at that moment how much I loved him, how much he meant to me? We have been friends since were were babies and went to elementary school, high school and college together. We had sing alongs to Mariah Carey’s “Vanishing” at the top of our lungs in the car on the way to school. He would try to hit the high note and always fail to do so. He spent the night with me in my dorm room, when his roommate had company, banging on the door at 3 AM with demands of “Myka, man, open the door, man” and pushing me over so that he could squeeze into the XL twin bed.
After we both got married, we still had dinner dates just the two of us. He would often forget his wallet, telling me at the end of a lavish steak dinner and drinks that “this one is on you’. We talked about everything from our marriages, to our friendships, our businesses and our families. He loved to gossip, and it was from him that I got most of the dirt on our college friends that I hadn’t seen in a while.
He was my brother.
As I bring a new life into the world, his death illustrates to me the circle of life and how fleeting each moment can be. It reminds me that as a Mother, each moment will pass so quickly and so I need to savor it all. I encourage all of you reading this to spend more time with the people you love. Let them know each day how much they mean to you. Be present when you are together. Fuck answering texts and looking at Instagram and look at each other.
My prayer is that my baby boy and Cabral pass one another on their journeys to and from this world. That they get to meet and that somehow my little one brings with him a piece of Cabral, a message of some sort…
And when one day, my son looks at me and says “M-m-m-m-m mommy” or dances off beat with an infectious giggle, I will know for certain that their paths did indeed cross.
